The Nightmare Before Christmas

So like every good mommy I wanted to provide my son with a Norman Rockwell Christmas. For some reason I thought that since I am a stay at home mom now that I would be able to pull this off. I thought that somehow I would miraculously be transformed into a wonderful housekeeper and patient loving wife and mother. You know like good old June Cleaver. Well part of my plan for the perfect Christmas was to send out perfect Christmas Cards. I decided I needed to get Griff's 18 month pictures done so I might as well get family pictures done that could be turned in to a wonderful Christmas card so that we could share our perfect joy with our friends and family.
We have always gone the JCPenney's to get our pictures done and they have always done a good job. They usually take a lot of time to get the little man comfortable enough to smile and when Eric starts smiling Griffen isn't too far behind. Now that I have become somewhat of a tech geek ( not really in fact you are looking at this weird background because I wanted something different but I was too lazy to really figure it out.) I decided that I would book our portrait experience online, that way I could make sure that no one was scheduled before or after us so they would spend as much time as we needed to get our inner model groove out. Eric scheduled the day off and we were ready to have the perfect day. We were going to get our pictures,go shopping and finish all of our shopping list, go to lunch, after a nap, decorate the tree,then I would make a perfect meal and then follow it off by going to see all the lights around town , then we would all come home have hot cocoa and drift off into blissful slumber.
What really happened is I got the stomach flu on Wednesday and had it till Friday (picture day) Griffen started getting sick on Thursday, followed by Eric Friday morning. I for some brilliant reason believed it would be OK to continue on with our days events as long Eric and I took Imodium AD and Griffen seemed OK. (Onward and upward you know.) We went to JcPenney to start our portrait experience by being greeted by a room full of screaming kids. The room to recreate the true experience of Hell was heated appropriately. Families in perfect red,black and white plaid outfits were squeezed into every inch of the room. They were playing a movie for the kids at a volume level that could deafen the dead. Underneath that was cheery Christmas classic being played on their stereo. Peace on Earth my butt! So after waiting an hour which was spent chasing Griffen away from the breakable Christmas displays that surrounded the store. We finally got our chance to go in the room and make it work. The photographer snapped a couple a pictures after shake Elmo in our faces told us we were done and kicked us to the waiting room to wait another hour to pick our favorites and pay the bill.( I felt a little like the kid in the The Christmas Story when Santa kicked down the big slide before he could tell him he wanted a red rider bee bee gun) Little G and Big E were done so I sent them to a playground in the mall. Which they lasted 5 minutes at before Little G called it quits. Eric took him to the car and drove him around the parking lot for the rest of the time. Meanwhile I sat and listened to other perfect mommies hemming and hawing about what they wanted to get. Finally my turn came. I told the dude listen I don't want any of your enhanced photos( over priced, over designed photoshop pieces of crap) The dude insisted on showing me us in sepia, in black and white, with elves, with bows, with holly with snowflakes and messages of Christmas cheer. ( If he had photoshopped a gun in my hand and a skull and crossbones he would have been closer to a sell) So after looking through all the pictures where my double chin is accentuated and Griffen expression is something along the lines of " Lady if you shake Elmo at me one more time I shoving him where the sun don't shine." I picked what I wanted. The Dude continued to sell me and told me if I would buy this much more I would get this much free stuff and like any prisoner of war I said "whatever". So now we have $100 worth of crappy pictures to remember our "Perfect" day. And I suppose my inner model did find her groove when I came home I ate lunch and threw it up :) That damn June Cleaver I hope she rots in her TV grave. And Norman Rockwell can bite me.

Mormon Superhero

So when I told Eric what I was going to blog about he was like you really are going to tell people that. So I figure I better warn you of the embarassing/scarey visuals I will be painting for you in this blog.

The other night right after I got Griffen to sleep I went downstairs to do some laundry and I threw the clothes I was wearing into the load. I went into our office/gym that totally needs to be redecorated and realized that I have really, really let myself go. I realized this because that room for some weird reason is full of mirrors. One whole wall is mirrors. It has been like that since we bought the house and I find the room too scarey to go into long enough to figure out what to do with it. Sad being that is where I store my eliptical trainer. So Eric was down working in the evil room and I went to say good night to him. I was wearing my garments with a breastfeeding top. I haven't bother to seperate them from the normal tops and when I am grabbing clean clothes out of the basket I just don't care what kind they are. Well on this day Mother Nature had brought be my monthly gift and I had accessorized my Jesus Jammies with a pair a purple panties over the top of the bottoms. For you that don't wear JJ's they often hang low in the croutch area and are not the best support for pads. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror I started to laugh because in my off kilter brain I thought I looked like a Mormon Superhero. I wanted to run upstairs and add a oven mitt to the ensemble so that I could finish off my costume. I imagined that my superpower was to save the world one casserole at a time. Then I realized that I don't ever really take casseroles to people. I always think about it when I hear that someone is having a rough time but then I figure I don't want to make the rough time worse by making them eat one of my casseroles. I also thought it was funny because if this Mormon Superhero was to be mass marketed it would have to include an innertube to be worn under the jj's to replicate my belly/butt. It would be just like the six pack abs that come with the real superhero costumes but more realistic for my super mormon charactor. That is when I came back to reality and realized I need to use that eliptical trainer and whip myself into shape. So after I polish off Griffen's halloween candy and watch a few programs I am going to get right on the whole weight loss thing.

Simple Pleasures

Lately I have been thinking about little things that make me happy so I thought I would share some of them with you.
1- An empty sink. I love to see an empty sink in front of me. I especially love it if someone else has done the dishes. Of course I am focusing on real pleasures and not daydreams.
2- Nap time. I love cuddling my little man until he finally goes off to sleepytime.
3- I absolutely love reading friends blogs and seeing what they are up to. It makes me so happy to see how lucky I am to know such wonderful people. And even though I don't get to see them very often I still get to keep up on what they are doing.
4- Itunes!! I adore the "you might like this" feature and the "if you liked this artist you might like this artist". You can find the best music that is never played on the radio.
5- A good program. Mama loves a good program. There is nothing better then a good program and a diet caffiene free coke. Like today Oprah was so good. It was about a nuerosurgeon who had a stroke. It was totally fascinating. And they played with real brains and you could tell Oprah thought it was gross.
6- Finding an unknown/independant/foreign movie that turns out to be awesome. It is like finding treasure.
7- Netflix. I get so excited to see the red envelope in the mail. I know I pay for it but it feels like I just got a present.
8- Non Junkmail/Bills mail. I love snail mail that comes from a friend. It is the best to get a card in the mail. I feel like a little kid when I get one. I dance around and say oh oh oh I got something oh oh oh.
9- Random acts of kindness from strangers. I love to be reassured that the world isn't full of a@#holes. It is so nice to have a stranger smile at you and do something simple like offer to return your grocery cart for you.
10- Slippers! There is nothing better then putting your foot into a little piece of heaven. Its like walking on clouds. I don't like grown up slippers. I like ladybugs, fish, hedgehogs etc. They have to flip flop, otherwise I feel like my feet are suffocating. I really don't like bunny slippers they are just way to cliche.

mamasprograms

What Are They Thinking

I was just thinking how much I was enjoying the Mormon Light Program. I would go to Sacrement and Relief Society twice a month. If there was a ward party that needed food I would cook for it but not attend it. I am a Visiting Teaching supervisor so I call people about their monthly visits but never do any of my own. I don't drink or smoke but I am a democrat and shop on Sundays. The MLP has been the perfect for me. But now I have been called as the Secretary in Young Womens. They obviously don't know me very well or they wouldn't have put me in a position were I could influence/corrupt the youth. Luckily as callings go I think I will only be doing the Mormon Medium program (no I am not becoming psychic). I will have to go to activities on Wednesday but I don't think I have to teach or do anything else. I think I just have to take roll and be a chaufer. And though I am a scary driver I do believe I can make beautiful check marks next to the girls' names. And since they are all teenagers I finally have a group that understands my love of Edward Cullen.

First Trip

Griffen took his first trip out of the state last week. We went to exotic Paris....Idaho. He camped in a tent and experienced going without his favorite thing, a bath, for 3 days! Griff seemed to like camping. He found a great little thinking spot. He would always wonder off to this little spot in the trees. At Bear Lake he was able to chase seagulls and play in the mud two experiences he had yet to have before this trip. When we got home he immediately started walking around saying Bath, Bath, Bath. He loves his tub. He gets that from me. Camping was fairly successful. I did learn that camping as a mom isn't nearly as relaxing as it was before I had a kid. Of course it wasn't nearly as fun before either. It is amazing all of the dangers that exist out there. I kept working he would fall in the fire, or the river, or the lake. That he would get too cold or too hot. That he was getting too little sleep,that he was going to get a tick, that he was going to get sunburned, that he was going to get sick. So I realized that next time Mama needs to bring what the Rolling Stones call Mama's Little helpers..Valum. (I am not sure how to spell it but I sure would like some) I find that over the last 15 months that I worry all the time. I worry about ever little thing that could happen to him. I have never experienced this kind of love. It truely is like having your heart walk /stumble around in someone else's body. But some how he is still alive. And he doesn't even seem like I have screwed him up too much yet. Of course I am still putting money into his therapy fund just in case.

Faux Hawk

So I think I have too much time/mousse on my hands. I decided that I would encourage my little anarchist by giving him his first mohawk. I think I might make this his new sunday hairdo. That should go over well. Especially after last Sunday when I nearly broke into laughter as they discussed how evil Diet Coke is or is not. The RS presidency noticed my smirk and since I have not been exactly active they were a little concerned and even checked with me after church to make sure I wasn't too offended. I wasn't offended at all I just found it humorous that of all the things to worry about that is what they picked. When I am looking over my list of shortcomings/sins I don't even have enough room left to consider caffeine consumption. Luckily I am on what is called the "slow track" when it comes to mormonism so I am still acceptable, at least according to my assesment.

Plans

Because of my recent status change from employed to unemployed people keep asking me what my plans for the future are. Well right now I have some pretty lofty goals . First I am going to form a play group for "normal" moms. The rules of the group will be first and foremost you can not be a Supermom. You can not look like you and your child just came off the pages of a Gap ad. Second, your home has to be dirty. Not the dirty where you have piles of newspapers and millions of animals with millions of piles of crap. Not the kind of dirt that will require you to join a support group for horders, but at least a few crumbs and toys out of place. Third you can not use your oven more then twice a week. The rest of the time your meals must come out of a box and/or be microwaved. Third you better be able to use a real swear word if something really goes wrong; none of this what the flip crap. Last and not least, you must be insecure in your parenting choices and constantly worried that in some way you are destroying your child's life.
So far the play group has only one member so it has been pretty easy to plan outings. So that goal is going pretty well.
My second goal is to come up with something worth writing a blog about. I can always write/brag about my perfect gorgeous little boy and what a genius he is despite my parenting, but that just seems a little rude. Don't get me wrong - I will still do that but I need to find something interesting that I have done.
I have been reading my friends blogs and feeling, well, like a big old slacker. My one friend's blog has beautiful patterns that she has created that I could only dream of being able to come up with. My other friend has stories of the fun things her and her family do. And when she isn't just being an awesome mom she is training for triathlons. Yet another friend has a hilarous blog that shows her genius children and her beautiful self having oodles of fun in her spare time while she works on her PhD. Yep Mama's keeping up... just friday I finished a book and watched TMZ. BUSY, BUSY.
Speaking of my book. I finally finished the last book in the Twilight Saga. I can now enter rehab and hopefully one day return to normal. Of course to return to normal I would have had to be normal in the first place. I got Breaking Dawn on Wednesday at 3pm and I finished it Friday at 1pm. Being that it is a 756 page book you can imagine that I have been very productive this week. Instead of telling Griff to run and play while Mama watches her programs I had to tell him to play quietly while Mama studied :) That is my kind of homework. I think I could see myself go back to school if I could come up with a Masters Degree in TV and Romance Novels.
So those are the plans for this unemployed productive member of society.

Future Jockey

So we went to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Ogden and Griffen had the best time. He got to play with his cousins and an empty box. But best of all he got to ride a doggy.
Griff loves dogs! I am in trouble. Eventually we will have to get one. I think that we will save it as a bribe. "Griffy if your good you can have a doggy" then when he is about 20 we will get one.
Of course the way he giggles when he is around dogs my just be enough to talk me into it sooner. I love it when my little man giggles, it is the best sound in the world! I should record it and just play it over and over again. Of course he is so ticklish I don't need to record it. If you barely touch him he giggles. Sometimes you just look at him and he starts. It is fabulous.
The other night when he was playing the "get you" game with daddy he laughed so hard that he fell face first into the tile. He cut his gum open with his bottom teeth. There was blood pouring from his mouth and I was freaking out. It was First Blood for us. Seeing your child hurt is the worst. Luckily it wasn't bad and he just giggled through the blood.

Tigger VS. Eeyore

WARNING SAPPY BLOG AHEAD:
The professor who gave the "Last Lecture" died this week. This guy was amazing. He had such a positive attitude even after finding out he was dying.
In his lecture he said you can choose to be a "Tigger" or an "Eeyore". For some reason that stuck with me. I have always liked Eeyore and as you well know I am often very much an Eeyore.
With all of the recent changes in my life I have been doing some self examination. I have been thinking of ways I would like to change. One of the thing I would like to change is I want to scale down my Eeyore quotient. I am never going to be a Tigger. In fact I have always hated Tigger. I think I am aiming at being more like Piglet. Piglet was always so helpful to everyone. I have decided I need to be more like that and I need to start living life to the fullest. I need to take every opportunity I have to be with my family and friends.
I have had a lot of time on my hands lately so I decided to check up on an old friend. My friend Nan was amazing. I met her while working at the Sundance Film Festival. She was a kick. She was this fabulous broadway broad. She seemed like she should have been born in the 1920's. I could totally see her as a flapper chick singing jazz in some club. Nan taught me about being fabulous or as she called it Fabu. Well when I moved into this house Nan called me with some bad news. Her breast cancer was back and her doctors told her she didn't have long. She wanted to come over for a sleep over. When she told me the news my brain didn't really process it. I kind of just skipped over it. We made plans for a sleep over but she got sick. And then we decided to post pone. I told her that we had just ordered some furniture and it would be best if we waited for it to come. We made other plans and she told me that she didn't know how long she had. She kept warning me that she wasn't going to be around much longer. She told me that she was planning to move back East to be with her family. I of course focused on her moving part and not the dying part. I didn't talk to Nan again. I've always liked to pretend that she had moved and that I had just lost contact with her. Well recently I decided I needed to know. I did a search and found her obiturary. I feel like the biggest loser. I couldn't handle finding out her cancer was back so I didn't. I think it was because of my mother's battle with breast cancer. I think the whole thing was just too much for me so I dwelled on the fact that my house wasn't up to par for guests. RETARDED! I have decided that I will NEVER let this happen again. I will never ignore a friends again. Who gives a crap what your house looks like. As long as you are surrounded by your loved ones nothing else matters.
I guess seeing the news about the Last Lecture is what started this rant. I just wanted to put my pledge to live a better life out there so that I know I have to live up to it. So that one day when I am doing my Last Blog I can do it with a smile like Professor Randy Pausch.

New ‘Twilight’ Footage Unveiled! Now You Can Watch It Here Guilt-Free!

New ‘Twilight’ Footage Unveiled! Now You Can Watch It Here Guilt-Free!

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The Obsession Continues

I am out of control. I just watched the movie Penelope. Which by the way was awesome. Before the movie starts you get a fabulous sneak peek at the Twilight movie. I watched it a gzillion times. I can not wait for the movie to come out. I am such a geek that just yesterday I entered a contest to interview Stephenie Meyer on the radio. The funny thing is I don't know if I could do it. I think I would be so excited to me her that I would throw up. In my entry email I tried to sound cool... like that is possible, especially considering I basically wrote an email that said Stephenie Meyer is my idol. I know 32 year olds should know better then to have idols. I can't help it. Anyway I said that I studied documentary film making so I would be good at interviewing her. I think the truth is that I would be like, " OMG I LOVE your books!" "I want to marry Edward if well he was real/ human and I wasn't already married"

Redecorating

So I am going to redecorate my office. I want to do something kind of funky because well I can. I am thinking about basing the theme of the office around these two cool prints I found on print and pattern. I am planning to paint all of the walls the blue color that is in the scissor picture except one wall I will paint the same yellow/orange as the pencils. I will leave the ceiling and the trim white. And then hang the scissor picture on the yellow wall and the pencil picture on a blue wall. I am buying a light wood desk. I have a white cubby/cabinet thing. If I get brave enough to do it I will post the results.

Too Much

So I think I might watch too much TV. I had a dream about America's Next Top Model. I dreamt that Tyra Banks decided to stop hosting the show to become a contestant instead. And then she lost. It was funny. Of course I have know idea why I am dreaming about a cheezy reality show.
Though sometimes I do feel like the universe is telling me that "There are two beautiful paths infront of me but I only have one picture. The path whose picture I am holding you must go pack your bags and go on immediately. " ie I was debating whether to leave my job and the Universe said well you have to work certain hours or you can no longer work there. Then I was debating whether to leave my little guy in daycare so that I could go do volunteer work or school or something and then the Universe told me that the daycare has another kid that would like his space. I guess the Universe is telling me that I am going to be America's Next Top Mama.

Addiction

Unfortunately I have an addiction. I am addicted to Stephenie Meyer's books. Especially to the Twilight series. What really sucks about this addiction is that the last book isn't out yet. I am dying to find out what happens to Bella. Whether she will become a vampire or not. How pathetic that occasionally my thoughts wander and I find myself guessing what will happen in "Breaking Dawn" Now this wouldn't be as embarassing if the Twilight series were adult books, but no they are for teenagers. Which pretty much confirms that I am still a 17 year old girl stuck in the body of a 32 year old. Actually I probably more like 13 but I was trying to give myself the benefit of the doubt. Speaking of my teen years I just got out my High School year book. Recently I have joined facebook and found people from High School. What a blast from the past. Reading all of the little notes left by people in my yearbook 14 years ago. Crazy how people who were so important to you back then you can barely remember now. It was so funny to remember who I had a crushes on. It was also fun to see that I have stayed friends with a few people. In fact I read what my friend Jamie wrote, I hope she doesn't mind me quoting it, "I'm looking forward to the rest of our lives together as adults". That is so funny because she was the person who set me up with my husband. And nothing says adulthood more then marriage and a mortgage :)

The Begining

Well I just quit my job so I am officially a stay at home mom/domestic ceo. It is a strange change. My schedule for the day is busy, busy, busy. First I am going to go check out the sidewalk sale at Osh Kosh and then I am going to come home and see what Judge Alex has to say. I think I will pick myself up a Diet Caffeine Free Coke to enjoy while I watch the crazy goings on, on my court program. See mama has to watch her court programs in case anyone ever needs legal advice. Just the other day I realiezed that Judge Alex has changed the way I do things. Now, when I write a check to someone I make sure that I write in the memo line what it is for. That way they can't sue mama for not paying them. Some people might think I am wasting time watching tv but I have learned a lot from my programs. Just the other day I learned Anne Boelyn got her head cut off. I didn't know that! It was quite a shocker at the end of "The Other Boelyn Girl". I guess today I will learn what happens to the nice folks on the Titanic. I hope that ends well. I have heard it is a good program, and mama likes happy endings :)